How does it work?
"There’s an ancient saying that’s profoundly applicable to couple’s therapy: the laws of nature are like a miller’s wheel—they’ll grind you to powder, unless you learn to be the miller." Terry Real
To live relationally, to live in a fulfilling & happy relationship, you have to understand what works and what doesn't. Sometimes you have to give up being right, get over yourself and choose relationship instead.
Relational living means that you can stand up for yourself, you can be assertive and you can be firm. But there is no reason to do any of that in a way that is disrespectful or harmful to the other person you are speaking to. Also, relational living means that you do not allow yourself to be on the receiving end of disrespectful treatment and do nothing about it. Living relationally is a daily practice of respecting yourself and others at the same time. As you'll learn, it's living with an awareness of us, of moving from me to we. It's about a love and respect for ourselves and others that leads to and sustains a healthy intimacy.
'Relationship is discovering everything that you missed on the first date.' Thomas Huebl
After the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, we start to see our partner’s cracks and flaws. We begin to realise that our partners aren’t perfect and that their imperfections can get under our skin. The good news? In this phase, you and your partner are feeling more comfortable with each other and are letting some of your let's say, 'less than perfect' sides show. The bad news? These other sides of our personality can lead to conflicts, arguments and a feeling of despair about how to get through it. And that never feels good. Here’s the thing: all of this is totally normal. All relationships are constantly moving between harmony, disharmony, and repair.
There's stages to relationship
1. Love without knowledge - The honeymoon phase.
2. Knowledge without love - The really getting to know you phase where we start to see the painfully less than perfect sides of our partner.
3. Love with knowledge - Together you're building a relationship that's cherishing and respectful.
What will you learn from these sessions?
You and your partner will learn how to foster respect, affection, and closeness in your relationship. You will build and share a deeper connection with each other by learning the practice of self-esteem. You’ll learn how to resolve conflict, how to break through conflicted deadlocks and how to strengthen and maintain the gains in your relationship. Relationship is about bringing two different worlds together to create a shared experience of life and love. It makes sense, then, that this transition often consists of friction, disagreements, and a normal resistance to change – like a “my way or the highway” mentality.
In the heat of disagreements it's good to remember, the person you're dealing with is someone you love and share a space with. It's good to make that space a nice place to be.
An Approach that Works
I’m here to give you tools that I’m confident will help you transform your life, individually and in your relationship.
The sessions are designed to
- Help you see what your unhealthy patterns of relationship are and the impact on each other
- Help you to stop the harmful patterns of how you relate to each other by offering alternatives that actually work and are much more effective.
- Create and practice habits and skills of connection that support happiness, resilience, fun, emotional safety and healthy self-esteem.
- Once we get over our grumpy and harsh ways of speaking to each other, these new ways of being together can even be fun and energising. Sometimes we've been so used to defending ourselves and being walled off to each other that the fun has gone out of life and a big cloud has covered the sunshine.
New skills need to be learned and for a start they can seem to flow against the grain, to be 'unnatural' or contrived. But let me ask you, how is what you're doing now working for you? Once the new skills are learned, they provide you and your partner with a structure for understanding and connection that over time you trust because it supports emotional safety. Not the sort of safety that never takes a risk and is quite frankly boring, but the safety that enables you both to repair and come back to a home-base connection when there's been a rupture in the relationship. What was unnatural becomes natural because it feels good to connect and naturally we move in that direction when it's emotionally safe.
My goal is not only for you to use me to get better tools and skills to transform your relationship, but to educate you and integrate this in such a way that you no longer need me. My role is as a coach and a fellow traveller in relationship himself, not an expert who never makes mistakes, (I wish!). The change happens by equipping you to live a relational life and move from a sense of 'me' consciousness, to 'we' consciousness. I've done it, so I know it works.
'True liberation is freedom from our automatic responses' Krishnamurti
Who is this for?
This work is designed for ALL couples in a committed relationship regardless of sexual preference. You do not need to be married to benefit. If you have a strong relationship, this work will provide you with insights and tools to foster further closeness, friendship, and trust. If your relationship is rocky, this work will provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship and a road map for repair.
Timing is an essential element in couples therapy. Unfortunately, most couples wait way too long to reach out for help repairing their relationship. One researcher found that couples go through an average of six years being unhappy before getting help. Think about this statistic for a few minutes. Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways. The overall message is to invest in your relationship as early as possible to reap the rewards of relational harmony.
When do we need help?
A common question is when do we need to seek help? Simply, it's this: when you can't work it out on your own, you need help. Acknowledging that there's a problem and asking for help is the first step towards a different life.
Interested but want to know more?
Starting therapy can feel a bit daunting. There's nothing worse than going to someone and feeling like that was a big waste of time and money! I get it. We want to know this will work for sure first and then commit. But the challenge is, without doing something, you'll never know what it's really like for yourself.
So please call me and we can have a chat. My number is +61 412 018962. Leave a message with your name, number and with a few options for when it is a good time to call you back.
Whatever you choose, I encourage a sense of making what you learn be part of the journey to having a better relationship.
How to meet up for Sessions?
Come to the clinic for sessions - 38 Urquhart st Northcote, Victoria
or
Online - Details will be sent once you have booked.
Booking Sessions
Click here to book a Session
Or email: Click here to email. If you are overseas then it's super helpful if you can include where you live, your timezone & dates/times for when you are available.
