"There’s an ancient saying that’s profoundly applicable to couple’s therapy: the laws of nature are like a miller’s wheel—they’ll grind you to powder, unless you learn to be the miller." Terry Real
To live relationally, to live in a fulfilling & happy relationship, you have to understand what works and what doesn't. By developing an understanding of what creates and sustains misery, and what creates and sustains harmony, you learn to live relationally.
Relational living means that you can stand up for yourself, you can be assertive and you can be firm. But there is no reason to do any of that in a way that is disrespectful or harmful to the other person you are speaking to. Also, relational living means that you do not allow yourself to be on the receiving end of disrespectful treatment and do nothing about it. Living relationally is a daily practice of respecting yourself and others at the same time. As you'll learn, it's living with an awareness of us, of moving from me to we. It's about a love and respect for ourselves and others that leads to and sustains a healthy intimacy.
'Marriage is discovering everything that you missed on the first date.' Thomas Huebl
After that “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, we start to see our partner’s cracks and flaws. We begin to realize that our partners aren’t perfect and that their imperfections can get under our skin. The good news? In this phase, you are your partner are feeling more comfortable with each other and are letting some of your vulnerabilities show. The bad news? These new discoveries can lead to conflicts, arguments and a feeling of disrepair in your relationship. And that never feels good. Here’s the thing: all of this is totally normal. All relationships are constantly moving between harmony, disrepair, and repair.
What will you learn?
You and your partner will learn how to foster respect, affection, and closeness in your relationship. You will build and share a deeper connection with each other by learning the practice of self-esteem. You’ll learn how to resolve conflict, how to break through conflicted deadlocks and how to strengthen and maintain the gains in your relationship. Relationship is about bringing two different worlds together to create a shared experience of life and love. It makes sense, then, that this transition often consists of friction, disagreements, and a normal resistance to change – like a “my way or the highway” mentality.
In the heat of disagreements it's good to remember, the person you're dealing with is someone you love and share a space with. It's good to make that space a nice place to be.
An Approach that Works
I’m here to give you tools that I’m confident will help you transform your life, individually and in your relationships, but in the end it’s up to you to put the skills into practice. My job is to help you see what your unhealthy patterns are, to help you get out dysfunctional habits and move towards habits of life that create happiness, resilience, and healthy self-esteem. What I have is tools, knowledge and information that I know is helpful, but if you don’t do anything between sessions to try to learn and implement them nothing much will change. The work will really be done by you and the responsibility for change is with you. I can’t do that for you. I’m not a magic worker, the magic is with you.
My goal is not only for you to use me to get better tools and skills to transform your relationship, but to educate you and integrate this in such a way that you don’t need me any longer. My role is as a coach and a fellow traveller, not an expert. The change happens by equipping you to live a relational life.
Who is this for?
This work is designed for ALL couples in a committed relationship regardless of sexual preference. You do not need to be married to benefit. If you have a strong relationship, this work will provide you with insights and tools to foster further closeness, friendship, and trust. If your relationship is rocky, this work will provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship and a road map and practices for repair.
Timing is an essential element in couples therapy. Unfortunately, most couples wait way too long to reach out for help repairing their relationship. Dr. John Gottman has been researching couples for over 40 years and according to his findings, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Think about this statistic for a few minutes. Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways. The overall message is to invest in your relationship as early as possible to reap the rewards of relational harmony. If ever you feel the situation could benefit from some outside help, please do be in touch.
When do we need help?
A common question is when do we need to seek help? Simply, it's this: when you can't work it out on your own.
Interested but want to know more?
Starting therapy can feel a bit daunting. There's nothing worse than going to someone and feeling like that was a big waste of time and money! I get it. We want to know this will work for sure first and then commit. But the challenge is, without doing something, you'll never know what it's really like for yourself.
So please call me and we can have a chat. My number is +61 412 018962. Leave a message with your name, number and with a few options for when it is a good time to call you back.
Whatever you choose, I encourage a sense of making what you learn be part of the journey to having a better relationship.
How to meet up for Sessions?
Come to the clinic for sessions - 38 Urquhart st Northcote, Victoria
Online - Details will be sent once you have booked.