The first step (there’s a few) is remembering love, or if that’s too far, try friendliness. This doesn’t mean it’s going to be gushy love all the time. Hardly likely right! But we can begin to commit to what we call “full-respect living,” neither dishing out nor passively tolerating disrespectful words or behaviours. With respect in both directions, we move beyond knee-jerk reactions. It’s hard to remember love & respect and hurt the other person simultaneously.
To live relationally, to live in a fulfilling & happy relationship, you have to understand what works and what doesn't. Sometimes you have to give up being right, get over yourself and choose relationship instead.
Relational living means that you can stand up for yourself, you can be assertive and you can be firm. But there is no reason to do any of that in a way that is disrespectful or harmful to the other person you are speaking to. Also, relational living means that you do not allow yourself to be on the receiving end of disrespectful treatment and do nothing about it. Living relationally is a daily practice of respecting yourself and others at the same time. As we try it out and learn, it's like living with an awareness of us, of moving from 'me' consciousness to 'we'. It's about a care and respect for ourselves and others that leads to and sustains a healthy connection and closeness.
